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The current year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a lover without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {