The Phrases shared by My Parent That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a break - going on a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."